Friday, July 27
Five Minute Friday --Beyond
Some days, like today, I can't see beyond the mess. The laundry basket with clean clothes from Monday that still needs to be folded and put away. The kitchen sink full of dishes and the floor full of crumbs. The bathroom with it's toothpaste streaks and soap scum and sticky floor. The unmade beds.
Some days, I only see the bickering, the whining, the fighting, the tattling, the discontent.
Some days, I can't see beyond my own selfishness, my own pouting. I can only see my fit that the power went out last night and being in the dark depresses me and put me in a funk I just couldn't shake. That I almost burned the house down by using a candle with a ribbon still wrapped around it. That I freaked out about the fridge being open, instead of serving my husband when he was hungry.
Some days, I just can't see. and I read blog posts full of grace and I read Scripture shouting truth and I think, "If only I could choose the needful thing, if only I could do what I can."
and then I fall back into the pit of despair with my lack of meal planning, my lazy tendencies, my house falling down around me, me kids needing more than I know how to give...
and I reach the end of my five minutes and think... I can't end there, I need redemption. but today, the redemption doesn't come, today the telling of my story isn't so pretty. Today I'm having a pity party.
and so I STOP... and I remember more words of wisdom... "Doe the nexte thynge"
I close the laptop and open my YouVersion app and do today's reading for SheReadsTruth. I read some Puritan prayers from The Valley of Vision. I read some Psalms and Proverbs.
I get up and clean my kitchen. I yell at my kids a little bit more and I make them clean their rooms. I feed them lunch of snacks like yogurt, cheese sticks, granola bars. And I sulk some more.
I send some of them outside to play... it doesn't last long. I read to my precious and needy child (Reading to my kids is not something I enjoy doing (and some days I can't see beyond that either). I try to regroup. I fold the laundry in the basket and start 2 more loads of laundry.
And I still can't shake it. So I finally come back to my computer screen and review some of the good thoughts ... and then I share them with you!!
Proverbs 3:1-4 My son, forget not my law, but let thine heart keep my commandments. For length of days and long life and peace shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart; So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Psalm 63:3-5 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips.
Psalm 33:18-22 Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy; To deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name. Let they mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.
and this blog post, by Jeff Goins... When it Feels Like Everything is Falling Apart, because that is how I'm feeling today. And I remember that there is a deeper story of grace and redemption and second chances... and he says, and I feel it... "On days like this, I don't feel awesome. I feel like the walls are caving in around me, like I'm not doing anything right. Like I will never learn. Apparently, that's not the whole story. Amidst all the drama and mess of life, I am still loved."
and then this one from Amanda... She Did What She Could ... and I think, Yes, I just have to keep doing what I can and Stop Listening to my accusers (of which, I am the loudest one).
And so I will work on keeping company with Jesus... and if that means my blog sits silent, I need to be okay with that (It's an HOURLY battle)
and it's been way more than 5 minutes and it's not pretty, but hopefully you can see beyond all that...
Feel free to visit Lisa Jo and a whole bunch more writers who have a much more positive spin on Beyond.
Labels: 5 minute Friday