I have labeled myself an insecure person. Not that I need to live by that label, but it often affects the decisions I make, or the decisions I refuse to make. And while I know I haven't figured it all out, I did discover one thing.
I'm not insecure. I just have placed my confidence in the wrong things. My confidence has been set in the approval of people. I care very much, too much, what other people think and this causes me to be insecure. What if they don't like me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I hurt them?
What if I just stopped worrying about what people think and focused on bringing glory to God. Is what I'm saying, doing, wearing, thinking, planning... is it bringing glory to God?
The choices I make, is it because I want to make man (or woman) like me or is it because I'm following God's direction?
My plate has been full, even overflowing this week. (which is why this post, which was supposed to be up on Thursday, is being posted late Saturday night) I had a million (okay, maybe ten) things all hit the fan at once. When that happens, I kinda panic and get nothing accomplished, which causes more stress as deadlines loom closer.
Then I read these verses in Colossians 3. The whole chapter is good, but I zoomed in on verse 17, And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. and verses 23-24 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
I'm reminded that it's not about pleasing man, it's about bringing glory to God's name.
Not that I always choose right, but it helped me a few times this week. I put off my Project 52 post from last week... I hate unfinished items, so I'm doing that one next, with this week's Project 52 post. In fact I hardly blogged at all this week.
I did, however, still lose my patience and yell at my kids sometimes, and I did get frustrated with my husband for still being sick. He's been fighting a cough/cold for too long. I've gotten a little too dependent on having his help with the kids and this week he just needed to rest on the couch a little more.
The difference is I'm not going to let it drag me down. I'm going to ask forgiveness from God and my kids. I will not live held captive by my anger. I will soak in God's Word for the truth of who I am.
I will remember that I am God's creation and "He saw everything that He had made and it was very good." (tweet that) I will remind myself that increasing in the knowledge of God will help me to walk worthy of the Lord. (Colossians 1:9-11)
And I'm sure God is going to keep teaching me about confidence, but I know more than I used to... this is what I know now...