Forever Sixteen

I've tried to write this week and the words just won't come... not that they aren't in my head, I just don't know how to get them down on paper. I have reading to do for class, I have laundry piles to be tamed, friends to connect with, and family to feed and care for... and my brain is just numb.

I haven't blogged in forever, so it seems weird to come back with this... but it's my present to Julia... and her mom.

Today is her birthday, today she would be seventeen... but instead, she's forever sixteen. That beautiful red haired sweetheart, taken too soon.

As far as I know I was only there for ONE birthday... her first! and that was way back when I was still mostly afraid of babies, so I probably didn't hold her much. Then I married and moved away and birthdays were celebrated from a distance. 

edited to add this treasure that my sister sent me... not from a birthday party, but a moment from years past... :)

And even though I make cards for a hobby/etsy shop, my family will attest to the fact that I am HORRIBLE at actually mailing birthday cards to the ones I love most. I managed to send my sister a card yesterday, it will be late, but by my standards it will be right on time. 

And now the birthday parties are over... no more sitting there watching the Kentucky Derby while eating birthday cake (I missed out on those, but I've heard about it more than once).

I still don't know why, it's still not fair. My kids still ask why and talk about how much they miss her. My girls dream about horses and playing the flute and being just like Julia and my heart aches because I don't know how much they will remember 10 years, 15 years from now. I want to keep her fresh in their memory. To remind them how much she loved Jesus, how much she loved kids and babies, how much she loved and gave and had a servant heart.

Today, I'm just keeping my eyes on Jesus and praying fervently for my sister and her family. And praying for all those that knew her better than I did and loved her just as much as I do!

My words are few, but they come from my heart. I miss her. I guess that's enough for today.