Not giving up, not giving in

The last time I "failed" at write31days, I did not write again for six whole months! I will not let this happen again. I figure if I can write 10 times a month that is better than nothing, so I will keep writing and hopefully even keep blogging. So here I am jumping back in with Day 9.

Yesterday, I had a flashback to junior high. Okay, maybe not junior high, more like Junior Speech class. In my continuing education effort, I had a group presentation. Ya know where you actually have to be up in front of a classroom and talking and sounding intelligent. Public speaking is NOT my gift. I am 1000% positive that God has not called me to public speaking (I will take this moment to say that I am not saying this will never change, but for now in this season of my life, in the living out of my personality, there is no room for public speaking).

Anyway, back to my flashback predicament. I woke up that morning with some crazy dreams in my mind, ya know the ones where you have experienced the day's events over and over and they DO NOT go according to plan.  Like when you dream that a piano has suddenly appeared in the classroom and is blocking your view from the fellow students. Or the secret service show up and pull out the ONE person you can count on to help with the interaction time. It was crazy

So I wake up and my stomach is in knots and part two of my flashback is settling my stomach with cinnamon toast because it's the only thing I can get down and I wasn't even sure that was going to be enough. Seriously, the nerves I had were causing a little bit of dry heaves as I was getting ready.

To top it off I was having a bad hair day and it was raining. Like I said, JUNIOR HIGH all over again!

It is so frustrating to me that even though I am almost old, and I have some life experience under my belt, that getting up in front of a classroom and attempting to speak about a topic or a poet or a literary critic (Matthew Arnold if you must know) still terrifies me.

Also, little tidbit about Arnold. He has some good quotes... Like this one that makes me think maybe I should pursue writing poetry instead of prose and essays.

In a way, it does remind me that I don't have it all together (don't worry, that really wasn't something I thought to begin with). And it reminds me that God gives us things to stretch us and grow us, and make us depend on Him and His strength.

Also, the presentation went by without a hitch. I don’t know what kind of grade we got and there was no raving that it was the best one, but we got it done and nobody choked or completely lost their place. It is a good reminder to me that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to present like someone else. And I don’t have to love it. I just have to be willing and do my best.

My thoughts today: Stretching myself is good, although I would much rather stretch myself with writing exercises then public speaking. What stretches you?

Join me as I remember what it means to be a writer again. Writing for 31 days in an attempt to find where nature and art collide in the work of writing. Click the graphic to find all my #write31days posts.