Not giving up, not giving in

The last time I "failed" at write31days, I did not write again for six whole months! I will not let this happen again. I figure if I can write 10 times a month that is better than nothing, so I will keep writing and hopefully even keep blogging. So here I am jumping back in with Day 9.

Yesterday, I had a flashback to junior high. Okay, maybe not junior high, more like Junior Speech class. In my continuing education effort, I had a group presentation. Ya know where you actually have to be up in front of a classroom and talking and sounding intelligent. Public speaking is NOT my gift. I am 1000% positive that God has not called me to public speaking (I will take this moment to say that I am not saying this will never change, but for now in this season of my life, in the living out of my personality, there is no room for public speaking).

Anyway, back to my flashback predicament. I woke up that morning with some crazy dreams in my mind, ya know the ones where you have experienced the day's events over and over and they DO NOT go according to plan.  Like when you dream that a piano has suddenly appeared in the classroom and is blocking your view from the fellow students. Or the secret service show up and pull out the ONE person you can count on to help with the interaction time. It was crazy

So I wake up and my stomach is in knots and part two of my flashback is settling my stomach with cinnamon toast because it's the only thing I can get down and I wasn't even sure that was going to be enough. Seriously, the nerves I had were causing a little bit of dry heaves as I was getting ready.

To top it off I was having a bad hair day and it was raining. Like I said, JUNIOR HIGH all over again!

It is so frustrating to me that even though I am almost old, and I have some life experience under my belt, that getting up in front of a classroom and attempting to speak about a topic or a poet or a literary critic (Matthew Arnold if you must know) still terrifies me.

Also, little tidbit about Arnold. He has some good quotes... Like this one that makes me think maybe I should pursue writing poetry instead of prose and essays.

In a way, it does remind me that I don't have it all together (don't worry, that really wasn't something I thought to begin with). And it reminds me that God gives us things to stretch us and grow us, and make us depend on Him and His strength.

Also, the presentation went by without a hitch. I don’t know what kind of grade we got and there was no raving that it was the best one, but we got it done and nobody choked or completely lost their place. It is a good reminder to me that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to present like someone else. And I don’t have to love it. I just have to be willing and do my best.

My thoughts today: Stretching myself is good, although I would much rather stretch myself with writing exercises then public speaking. What stretches you?

Join me as I remember what it means to be a writer again. Writing for 31 days in an attempt to find where nature and art collide in the work of writing. Click the graphic to find all my #write31days posts.

Five Minute Friday: Learn

Wednesday seems as good a day as any to write and post a Five Minute Friday blogpost.

Five Minute Friday: LEARN

A new school year is on the horizon, not just for my kids, but for me, too. I never set out to be a #studentmom. I thought for sure my two years of a "Secretarial Program" (now it's called Office Administration) would get me through life just fine. And after seven years of various office jobs, I was ready to come home, stay home, and be a mom.

However, two things happened...

One, I suddenly started learning again. It's crazy how my kids teach me more than I am teaching them. Every day (even when I don't realize it) I am learning from them, through the situations we face, through the growing process. My kids are some of the most grueling educators I know...

I also discovered that I wasn't done with formal book learning. And 15 years after I hung up my pencils, papers, and textbooks, I started up again. This time for a BA in Communications/writing. To be honest, these on-campus classes freak me out a little bit. My brain isn't as fresh as it used to be. I have a lot more responsibilities and distractions than I did out of high school. And because I am a people pleaser, I always wonder how the young "whippersnappers" I'm in class with, will take to the middle aged MOM in their class.

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I've discovered something in the last three years of continuing education... Experience goes a long way, and brings a new element to the learning process. Experience is a valuable teacher.

I never set out to be a lifelong learner, but it turns out that is what God wants of each one of us--even if it's not in the classroom setting!

Never stop learning! (Tweet This)

Handmade Cards: Learn

I'm learning...

Did you know that today is World Card Making Day... and usually on this day, I "lock myself" in my card room and spend the whole day making cards. Do you want to know what I actually did today? Wrote a paper... just a three-page paper on The Poem of El Cid... ever hear of it? Yeah, me neither until last week when I had to read it for World Literature which I am taking with the intention of finishing my bachelor's degree... maybe before I'm 40, but probably not... it's not that far away!

Anyway, the point is, I am pushing myself to keep learning even if it is not all the stuff I would choose. See, the thing with getting a degree is that sometimes you have to take required courses that don't really fit your passion.

I just lost my train of thought... that happens sometimes with five minute free writes. My mind just went blank.

Did you know that you can learn to make handmade cards? It's super fun and can be very easy. There is no reason to make it complicated. A handmade card is going the extra mile in a thankyou note, a birthday card, or a just because letter.

Today I am sharing some cards that I used for a workshop to teach others how to make handmade cards. I have so much fun doing these (on a small scale) and am hoping to do another one sometimes soon (but maybe not until this busy semester is over).  I loved showing the ladies these sample cards and watching them take the supplies and make the design their own with simple changes here and there.

And if you don't want to make your own, you can always order a few from my shop!

The question is this: How do you keep learning, even if it's not formal education? If you are local, would you be interested in a little workshop for making cards?

My word prompt came from Kate Motaung who is doing 31 days of 5 minute free writes this month!  Five minutes of writing is about all I can squeeze in these days, but it's better than no writing!!

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment as I get moving again in writing and creating... (it might just benefit you at the end of our time this month)

Five Minute Friday: Change

It was 20 years ago that I walked into this building for the first time as a naive, scared-to-death, 17 year old college freshman. A lot has changed since then... except for the scared to death part. Why is it that I can be 20 years older, but the thought of papers, and quizzes, and presentations, and interactions with kids half my age SCARES ME TO DEATH.


Twenty years ago, I was looking for a quick degree... just an AA, no big deal. Just enough of an education to get a job being a secretary. (Yes, back then we were still called secretaries instead of administrative assistants). I loved typing, numbers, and organization, but I hated the phone.

Life has brought about a lot of change in the last 20 years. I graduated, I got married... and then I had 4 kids in 4 and a half years... and somewhere in there I started blogging and discovered writing as a way to express myself, as a way to think, as a way to process life.

And I decided I wanted to be a writer and my husband encouraged me to go back to school and get a communications degree... what was he thinking? What was I thinking?

I've taken a few classes here and there, but this semester it's TWO classes (come on, I'm a wife and mom... can't put too much on my plate) and for some reason, I get an unbelievable fit of nerves at the beginning of each semester. Nevertheless it's back to school time and back to campus, even though I feel old and wonder how I can do it with all those young'ns on a college campus.

Rules have changed, campus has changed, I have changed! And that is where I need to focus. I'm not 17 anymore. Life has given me a lot of experience, something that I can share with these young whippersnappers. Life will change for them over the next 20 years and I can go to campus knowing that I have something to offer them and to remember that they have something to offer me.

Change is not something I look forward to, but I know that it can be good for me. So this fall, I enter this building with anticipation, not trepidation and I go in confidence that this is what God wants for me and I will do the best that I can, not for the approval of man, but for God's glory. Change is what gets me out of my comfort zone and that's what I need right now.

What does change look like for you?  

Join me and the other writers at Five Minute Friday and share your five minutes on change!





photos credit: my awesome husband

Five Minute Friday: Belong

It's a little far from Friday... closer to the next Friday, but I've been itching to try my hand at writing, at blogging again, so here it is...

I found Five Minute Friday hanging out at Crystal Stine's place this week... She's a treasure, be sure to check her out! She'll make you feel like you belong!


Here's my five(+) minutes on Belong

Start:

Somedays I wonder where I belong... Is it in the bloggy world, in the crafty world, in the writing world, in the continuing education world, in the just-a-mom world?



I recently took a social media break to figure it all out... and to finish strong in two online classes that were stretching me a little farther than I wanted to stretch (one of them was a PE class, haha). I'm still on the social media break, but I cheated recently and perused a little bit of twitter, a little bit of instagram, a little bit of facebook. And it reminded me of what I loved about the online community.

For one thing, when you disappear for a month, there is always someone to welcome you back (or even notice that you were gone in the first place). Not hundreds of people, but it was my people. An email here, a Voxer there, and a twitter conversation, too.  And I realize that I still belong.

I don't write for days, weeks on end, but when I sit down and focus the words will still flow... sometimes a little choppy at first, but they are still there, I just have to work at them. And I realize I can still call myself a writer, I just can't be lazy. Sometimes it takes a little effort to belong.

Those classes I worked so hard on, I got an A in both of them... and the anticipation of on-campus fall classes has me a little giddy and I realize I can still belong in the higher education arena, too.

I peruse Pinterest and am overcome with great card making ideas and when my classes are finally done, I sit down at my craft table and I create, and I create, and I create...



and I love every single card I make and I am giddy with the thought of sending them to some of my friends to bless and encourage others... maybe I don't belong in the etsy world full time yet, but God can use my gift of creating to show others they belong!

I take my kids to swim lessons and watch them improve and have a blast. I make rainbow loom creations (including a Queen Elsa).

We go on vacation and I enjoy the pool with them a bit, they ride bikes to the area park, we enjoy a day at the Creation Museum, etc... Back at home, I cuddle with my kids more and take them to the park and the library. I make little successes in parenting and I realize that above all I belong to these kids and they belong to me and I can be a mom ... and all the other things too. It's just an ebb and flow, and not so much a balance of it all, but a belonging and a taking turns on where my focus is.

STOP

so be a little gentle as I stop in to see if I belong in the blogging world still  ;)
Hope to be back again soon, but no promises!

It quiet around these parts

photo credit: Kim Hall on flckr

This blog here has been pretty quiet lately... have you missed me?

Truth is, I have so much noise in my head that I can't get it out. I can't sort through what needs to be written, what needs to be filed, what needs to be tossed and forgotten!  I lay down in bed (an hour later than I want to) and I finally feel quiet and my brain starts writing 10 blog posts at once, and frets about my online class (more on that later); it worries about kids starting public school, and chastens me for not making it through my mental to-do list that I forgot half of because it wasn't written down.

I want to tell you all about the reasons why I haven't written lately and all the reasons why the blog will probably still be quiet for a few weeks, but the truth is... it's all excuses. I waste so much time in my day and I have no schedule and no routine and no goals.

I have dreams... lots of them, but I have no accountability, no self-discipline, no short term and long term goals for accomplishing those dreams.  I recently bought The How They Blog planner, and printed out a bunch of pages and started my notebook... but that's as far as I got... no writing, no dreaming, no planning, no implementation.

I HAVE been working on my card-selling God-sized Dream. I designed a website even. Then I asked some close friends and family for feedback and let it sit on the shelf unedited for 2+ weeks. I've also been planning and setting up shop on Etsy and hope to open my shop next week... but if I actually make sales?!??!  Then I need a plan for better shipping and materials and making time to create more cards! I'm excited about that and hope you will support me when I get it up and going!

And then there is this class I'm taking... Contemporary Christian Writing, which is kinda awesome, but kinda scary because I haven't done much writing lately and I kinda feel like I forgot how to write and these are some HUGE assignments, like a Devotional, and a Theological Essay, and an Essay of Apologetics, and Current Issues in Christian Living Essay... all to be completed in less than 8 weeks time and I'm kinda freaking out a bit (apparently I like the word "kinda").

Plus I'm a mom and a wife and the laundry still needs to be done and people still need to eat. And I have my friends here in my town that I'm trying to spend some time with to work on relationships here in real life!

And I don't know where the road is taking me... or even if I'm on the right path. But I'm trying to keep moving forward by faith and figuring out what works and what doesn't and to trust and to rest and to remember that LIFE IS A GIFT, not an emergency!!

And in two weeks when my kids head back to school, I will write and dream and hope and plan and create and blog...  (after I serve jury duty, that is...)

Five Minute Friday --Stretch

It's Friday... Here's the Rules

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back to Lisa-Jo and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Five Minutes on --Stretch

GO

The pile sits in front of me. It scares me, It excites me, It makes me giddy!  Pens, highlighters, paper! Notebooks, binders, folders! An Idea book. A class Syllabus! Textbooks!

I am going back to college! and I am pursuing a degree in Communications/Writing! And I am SCARED TO DEATH!! It has been 16 years* since I sat in a class room and took notes and handed in homework and took tests. I feel OLD! I feel brain-dead. and so unsure of myself.

But I need to stretch a little, find my wings, try new things. I have declared myself a writer... now it's time to make myself a GOOD writer, even a GREAT writer.

Class three times a week, mixed in with kids in school, kids in half day. House work, cooking, cleaning, parenting, homemaking. Assignments, writing assignments, lots of writing assignments. Putting them out there for critique by peers (can they be my peers if they are 15 years younger than me???!) Oh, and RED PENS... scary!

But I can do this, and my husband is fully supporting me, and God will work out the childcare details, and some days we might have cereal for dinner, but I will do this!

It's time to write!

STOP

* (and lest you think I'm REALLY OLD, I graduated with my Associate's Degree when I was 19...) 

and if you want some more details... it's just one class this semester to see how it goes... "Creative Non-Fiction Writing" How fun does that sound?!??! :)


Stick around... some of my homework assignments just might find their way onto this blog!!