trying to write

I've always been a hit and miss blogger over the last 8 years... mostly journal writing, sharing photos of my kids and other things, just random memoir type stuff. Other than November 2008, where I posted something I was thankful for EVERY SINGLE DAY, the most posts I've had in one month is 17 and I had quite a few months with lest than 5 posts. But this year, I was on the ball! January had 26 posts; February had 24 posts; and March has 22 so far. I kept waiting for the lull to come, but I had so much brewing in my head it just kept flowing!

Then this weekend happened and I fell apart... and haven't blogged in FIVE days. I have my reasons...

* I got a sick kid. ...one who was nice enough to get sick in bed (the top bunk) and all down the side wall and under the bed... where toys and papers were hiding. Cleaning that up really just took everything out of me.

* I actually had a side typing job that HAD to be done by Monday. I do not consider myself to be a work at home person... I do a job once every 4-6 months. I am hoping to increase this a little bit as my kids will all be in school next year (youngest, just preschool... but still) Also, they attend a Christian school... and that is NOT cheap, but I am rambling here.

* I actually made an effort to do some things on my to do list before I blogged... which means I didn't have time for blogging.  but it does mean that I actually read... out loud... to my kids!

* Winter-like weather came back and I got cranky.  I seriously need warmth and sun to survive.

* I've never been good at planning ahead and scheduling posts, so even though I knew what I wanted to do for Project 52, Joy Dare, Sweet Shot Tuesday... etc it just didn't get written so it didn't get posted. and I am a very chronological person, so I can't do Monday's post until I finish Friday's Project 52.  Actually, they will all be post dated once I finally get them written... does anybody else do that?!?

excuses, excuses... my husband keeps asking when I am going to write a book on 101 excuses... do you think that would make a good e-book? who would buy it? :)

So anyway, I missed my Project 52 post on Friday, I missed my #JoyDare post on Monday, and Top Ten or Sweet Shot on Tuesday... and I haven't done any Better Writer challenges. and it's the LAST linkup for Write it, Girl this month!! So I am trying to write!

I've never been very good at organizing my thoughts; the last few paragraphs could tell you that. So even when I get a good idea, it disappears before I ever sit down to hash it out. I'm not giving up though. I am hoping to go back and work on all the Better Writer challenges that I missed. I really want to get better at this writing thing.  My family has been encouraging me too... and just this week, my husband affirmed me and my writing by asking if I wanted to take a writing class at the college he works at!!

But through it all, I struggle... is this what I'm supposed to be doing?!?!  Wouldn't my time be better spent cleaning my house, meal planning better, reading to my kids, actually making a budget and sticking to it, playing with my kids, actually investing time in creating handmade cards... the list (and excuses) go on and on!  I can't figure out what is a God-sized dream, how the devil is trying to discourage me, what is truth, what is guilt?!?!

and then I decide that yes, blogging is for me... even if none of my friends really even know what I do, even when my family doesn't understand WHY, but still supports me. So I jump back into it and then I read this (from a fellow blogger)

you need to live for {invest, pour yourself into} those who are going to cry at your funeral.
that narrows the field quite a bit. ;) 

because I am pretty sure that of the ...maybe 10 readers I have (at least that's how many take the time to comment) half of that is my family and the other half won't even know when my funeral is.

All this to say, that I will keep writing and I will keep blogging, but I also want to make more of an effort to invest in the lives around me... so that people will actually cry at my funeral (a little bit anyway) 

and I will also postdate the next 3 blog posts I write so that they will all be in proper order.

 :)

How is that for a Write it, Girl?!?  I don't know if it makes any sense, or if you even stuck with me through the whole thing, but at least I can finally said "I blogged today!"

and there you have it... my mostly-unedited stream of consciousnesses ...perfect for today's Better Writer challenge!