What I Learned

Fasting as defined by Wikipedia is ... primarily the act of willingly abstaining from some or all food, drink, or both, for a period of time.

On June 1, I embarked on something new for me... a partial fast, and a blogging fast... You can read about my intentions here.

Here is how I did...

• I do know that I will be taking a bloggy break for the 21 days. (promise me you will come back after this?!)

  I took a bloggy break (did you miss me?)... I thought that I would take some time to do some writing, journaling, etc and even planned to take part in Jeff Goins' 15 Habits of Great Writers series, but I hardly did any writing at all, which was a little discouraging to me.)

• I do know that I have 2 things specifically that I will be praying about, for God to show me what the next step is...

  I discovered I really don't know much about prayer (more on that later) and I still feel a little lost in the 2 areas in which I am looking for a breakthrough...

• I do know that I will be doing a partial fast... I read and like the idea of the hours of 6AM to 3PM for a partial fast. (not from all food, but definitely something)

  I did a partial fast from 6AM to 3PM and I chose the Daniel Fast... Fruits and Veggies and Water. I missed my morning coffee immensely... but that did lead to some morning prayer. Some days are harder than others... like SUNDAY when the big meal is before 3PM. It did show me a lot about my eating habits. So often I was tempted to snack while meal prepping for my kids, or finishing their uneaten plates, etc. Licking my fingers, munching here and there, sneaking candy or whatever! Mostly, I did well on this part. Occasionally I choose to break the fast, but I felt grace in those moments (does that defeat the purpose?)

• I do know that I'm a little scared... and afraid of failing!

  What exactly does failing look like?  
  

The last 3 weeks have been like every other day in my life in that there were successes and there were failures; there were accidental breaking of the fast and intentional breaking of the fast; there were strong moments and weak moments. I learned much... but not enough!

I also know that fasting is supposed to be a private thing, but I also want to share some of what God is teaching me.

A friend on Facebook posted this on her page last week... and it hit me right between the eyes!!

You can pray without fasting, and fast without prayer. It is when these two activities are combined and dedicated to God’s glory that they reach their full effectiveness. Having a dedicated time of prayer and fasting is not a way of manipulating God into doing what you desire. Rather, it is simply forcing yourself to focus and rely on God for the strength, provision, and wisdom you need.

To be honest, I don't think I truly understand the power of prayer. I do a lot of sentence prayers, talking to God in the moment, knowing that He hears me, but not truly getting on my knees and begging Him for answers. While I did improve my focus on prayer during this 21 Day Allume fast, thanks to The Valley of Vision (a book of Puritan Prayers), I by no means touched the surface of what the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man really is. 

I could use my kids as an excuse, but to be honest, more often than not it was just me getting distracted. Thinking about the next thing that needed to be done, my wants, my cravings. Not really praying, believing! And in that, I'm discouraged, but not despaired.

I would love to try this again sometime (probably more privately). But before I do, I want to learn more about prayer, so I'm asking you.  
Do you understand prayer? 
Do you know how to pray? 
Is there any book you would recommend on the subject of prayer?

I've missed blogging and the community that comes with blogging... so I'd love it if you would take a moment to share your thoughts/experiences on prayer (and/or fasting)!

And yes, it is one day short of 21 days, but I wanted to join in with the lovely ladies over at Write it, Girl for their surprise summer link up!! 

Five Minute Friday --Perspective

It's time again for Five Minute Friday.  although it's almost Saturday! I've been struggling in my writing lately... as my Five Minutes will show...  Many Thanks to The Gypsy Mama for the incentive to write.

Perspective

START:
From where I sit, I see a turtle--one who reached out her head in March and tried her hand at writing. But then the incentive was gone, even though the encouragement was still there. And she quit writing or even trying to write.

She's afraid to try again, afraid to fail. Not sure there is time for writing, when there is laundry to fold, dishes to wash, meals to prepare, children to raise. The urge for community found in blogging is mostly what drives her, makes her long for Allume.

But the turtle's head has retracted back into her shell. And she wonders, what does God see from where He sits? What's the big picture? Where is He leading? And will she follow willing if it doesn't look like she wants it to?

STOP

I wrote in my head all day, but none of it made sense. Not even sure this does... But I WROTE!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

To Be a Write it, Girl

I'm a procrastinator... always have been! I apparently think I work best when I'm facing a deadline or something, but that's not true! I would be so much more at my best if I didn't put things off until the last possible moment!

But a TICKET to ALLUME is on the table, so I can't NOT write! Write it, Girl has been good to me! I have already won a prize package, so I feel a little guilty entering this contest, too (can my luck be THAT good?) ... I don't know, but my God is that good ...and better! (whether I win or not)

What does it mean to be a Write it, Girl?

Being a Write it, Girl means trying something new. I've said many times that I didn't think I was a writer even though I've been a blogger for years. This month changed that for me! I am claiming the title "Writer." I don't know what it will look like down the road for me, but for this month, for now, it means writing what is on my heart! I did that this month and wrote some of my favorite posts... and got some delightful feedback!

Being a Write it, Girl means facing my fears! This month I wrote about some things I've been putting off for months. But I wrote and it felt good and I received affirmation and encouragement.

It means pursuing my dreams, thinking and wishing, and hoping, and planning, and praying, and writing! 

Being a Write it, Girl showed me that I'm not alone... there are other writers out there that are afraid to claim the title "Writer." I'm hoping that this month changed that for them, too!

We all have a story to tell, will you tell yours?


Week One: The Red Door
The story I've been putting off since we moved a year and a half ago, because I was afraid people would think I was crazy to hear God speak to me through the color of a door!

Week Two: Where I'm from
A look back at where I came from, to help me as I look forward to where I'm going... lots of happy memories!

Week Three: My lemonade stand
Thinking about some dreams I have that don't include writing per se.

Week Four: Trying to write
Where I just spill what's on my heart... even when I can't make heads or tail of it.

Five Minute Friday --Gift

It's Five Minute Friday with the Gypsy Mama. And I'm taking a Five Minute break from my weekend of card-making to write! (no links, no pictures cause I'm new at this iPad blogging) EDIT: I had to add a few links now that I'm at my computer





START

I never imagined affirmation as one of my stronger love languages, but this week, I experienced the gift of affirmation more than once!

Partaking in the #BetterWriter challenge this month (even thought I only did half the challenges) has been amazing for me! The encouragement I received from the other writers cheered my heart. And encouraged me to pursue this new hobby of mine!

And then my husband asked me if I was interested in taking a writing class (or even finish my education in Communications) to improve my skills! WOW! That's some affirmation!

And THEN!!!! God gave me some affirmation and a BIG gift in that I WON a prize package from the Write it Girl community this month! woohoo! I am so excited and a little nervous for this journey I am on!


STOP
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

trying to write

I've always been a hit and miss blogger over the last 8 years... mostly journal writing, sharing photos of my kids and other things, just random memoir type stuff. Other than November 2008, where I posted something I was thankful for EVERY SINGLE DAY, the most posts I've had in one month is 17 and I had quite a few months with lest than 5 posts. But this year, I was on the ball! January had 26 posts; February had 24 posts; and March has 22 so far. I kept waiting for the lull to come, but I had so much brewing in my head it just kept flowing!

Then this weekend happened and I fell apart... and haven't blogged in FIVE days. I have my reasons...

* I got a sick kid. ...one who was nice enough to get sick in bed (the top bunk) and all down the side wall and under the bed... where toys and papers were hiding. Cleaning that up really just took everything out of me.

* I actually had a side typing job that HAD to be done by Monday. I do not consider myself to be a work at home person... I do a job once every 4-6 months. I am hoping to increase this a little bit as my kids will all be in school next year (youngest, just preschool... but still) Also, they attend a Christian school... and that is NOT cheap, but I am rambling here.

* I actually made an effort to do some things on my to do list before I blogged... which means I didn't have time for blogging.  but it does mean that I actually read... out loud... to my kids!

* Winter-like weather came back and I got cranky.  I seriously need warmth and sun to survive.

* I've never been good at planning ahead and scheduling posts, so even though I knew what I wanted to do for Project 52, Joy Dare, Sweet Shot Tuesday... etc it just didn't get written so it didn't get posted. and I am a very chronological person, so I can't do Monday's post until I finish Friday's Project 52.  Actually, they will all be post dated once I finally get them written... does anybody else do that?!?

excuses, excuses... my husband keeps asking when I am going to write a book on 101 excuses... do you think that would make a good e-book? who would buy it? :)

So anyway, I missed my Project 52 post on Friday, I missed my #JoyDare post on Monday, and Top Ten or Sweet Shot on Tuesday... and I haven't done any Better Writer challenges. and it's the LAST linkup for Write it, Girl this month!! So I am trying to write!

I've never been very good at organizing my thoughts; the last few paragraphs could tell you that. So even when I get a good idea, it disappears before I ever sit down to hash it out. I'm not giving up though. I am hoping to go back and work on all the Better Writer challenges that I missed. I really want to get better at this writing thing.  My family has been encouraging me too... and just this week, my husband affirmed me and my writing by asking if I wanted to take a writing class at the college he works at!!

But through it all, I struggle... is this what I'm supposed to be doing?!?!  Wouldn't my time be better spent cleaning my house, meal planning better, reading to my kids, actually making a budget and sticking to it, playing with my kids, actually investing time in creating handmade cards... the list (and excuses) go on and on!  I can't figure out what is a God-sized dream, how the devil is trying to discourage me, what is truth, what is guilt?!?!

and then I decide that yes, blogging is for me... even if none of my friends really even know what I do, even when my family doesn't understand WHY, but still supports me. So I jump back into it and then I read this (from a fellow blogger)

you need to live for {invest, pour yourself into} those who are going to cry at your funeral.
that narrows the field quite a bit. ;) 

because I am pretty sure that of the ...maybe 10 readers I have (at least that's how many take the time to comment) half of that is my family and the other half won't even know when my funeral is.

All this to say, that I will keep writing and I will keep blogging, but I also want to make more of an effort to invest in the lives around me... so that people will actually cry at my funeral (a little bit anyway) 

and I will also postdate the next 3 blog posts I write so that they will all be in proper order.

 :)

How is that for a Write it, Girl?!?  I don't know if it makes any sense, or if you even stuck with me through the whole thing, but at least I can finally said "I blogged today!"

and there you have it... my mostly-unedited stream of consciousnesses ...perfect for today's Better Writer challenge!

My lemonade stand

I never set out to be a writer. When I started blogging almost 8 years ago, it was an outlet as a new mom, mostly used for keeping my out of town family up to date on the antics of my kids. I met a few blogging friends along the way, but never developed a niche or passion.

I dabbled in photography --maybe just photo-taking, shared recipes, occasionally talked spiritual things I was learning, experimented with Five Minute Friday, and always used it for counting my gifts. I guess that would make me a memoir blogger.

But in reality, I'm a crafter, an artisan, if I want to be bold. I started this, my second blog, with the intention of promoting my handmade stationery and gaining exposure for my online card shop. I thought if I showed my cards here on the blog, more people would like them and buy them... But actually doing that takes time, commitment, investment, discipline. .. and it didn't really happen!  I don't have any spare change floating around to invest in getting my lemonade stand out to the street where it can be seen!

So while my real desire is to grow my craft, my actions don't show that because I can go weeks without spending time in my craft room. But then I start to get antsy... And cranky! And mad at myself for not prioritizing!

The real problem is that I haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. There's too many great choices out there and I still haven't figured out which one is for me!

I'm a wife and a mom... Which makes me a housekeeper, a chauffeur, a cook and maid. I'm a friend and encourager...or at least I try to be. But those are things that everyone does. But what makes me unique? What do I have to offer the world, the body of Christ??

I enjoy taking pictures but don't consider myself a photographer.

I never considered myself a blogger, but I have fallen in love with writing... But I haven't figured out if I do it for myself, for God, or for the praise of men?

Then there is cooking, baking and sharing recipes. I used to find such satisfaction in preparing yummy things... But with 4 young kids, it became overwhelming and a matter of survival to just find something to eat!

And card making... It still makes me smile, and I feel most fulfilled when I create new cards that get rave reviews (which never really happens, but I can pretend). But card making takes time and effort every.single.time!

Hand made crafting isn't like writing and publishing an book. A TON of work goes into a book, but then once it's published you just reap the rewards... every time you sell another copy. If I want to make my cards successful, I have to be creative every single time I sit down! Even when I am copying a card I've created before, it is still a process. Each card takes time and effort, even when it's a set of the same card. A lot of time and energy goes into each card I make, and you just can't put a price on that.

Wow, I feel like I'm starting to whine, but I'm just trying to share my heart. I need someone to help me figure out this God sized dream of mine...

In addition to a Write it, Girl challenge, I need a Create it, Girl challenge!

I also need to hibernate and create/craft for a day...or two!!




This Write it, Girl post seems to be a little bit all over the place. I went to bed last night with nothing to write about... pulled out the iPad (new to me... because hubby got a NEW one) and started that first paragraph... and just kept typing.  I tried to edit a little this morning, but I just want to get it out there!  Thank you, Write it, Girl for the push to write this month!!

Where I'm from

The more I write, the more I think about the why I write.  To figure out where I'm going, I have to ponder where I'm coming from.  Ann Voskamp nailed it for me this week when she asked, "Where you from, friend?" So I answered.  and then I elaborated with help from this little sheet.   Join me as I take a little trip down memory lane...

I am from a wood burning stove and no television.  I'm from the the white house with a yard full of pine trees in the front and Two apple trees, one pear tree, and more pine trees in the back.

I am from singing church songs all the way to and from church. I am from a house of all sisters and the mantra "Let Sisterly Love Continue."  

I'm from the great field in the back, from the little creek with water spiders, from sledding down the hills and hoping you don't land in the creek.

from singing with my sisters, silly songs, church songs, ...special music!

I am from a week in the summer spent at Alleghany State Park,

from playing Clue as if your life depended on it.

I am from a pastor's home... from the "held to a higher standard just because of my dad's job." I am from playing the part and putting on your church face. I am from Sunday School every Sunday and prayer meeting every Wednesday. I am from the King James Bible.

I am from Sword Drills, and Christmas plays, and teen activities.

I’m from reading the Christmas story before presents and eating Monkey bread and scrambled eggs after.

I am from remote control cars, and climbing trees and riding bikes, and playing soccer and being a tomboy. 

I’m from the rod of correction and "Speaking in CAPITAL LETTERS."

and singing "Every Promise in the Book is Mine," 

from peanut butter and jelly crackers for snacks and tacos for dinners. I am from books and more books and Friday nights spent at the library.

I am from Hyperthyroidism, radioactive iodine treatment, and subsequent hypothyroidism.

I am from Buffalo, NY and never really enjoying cold and snow. and now the mountains of Pennsylvania embrace me.

I'm from speedy typing and proofreading everything and hating phones, and still being a secretary.

I am from birthing 4 kids in 4 1/2 years (no twins), and being crowded in a 2 bedroom trailer with my growing family. I am from learning patience and letting go of perfection.

I am from mistakes and grace and second chances. I am from doubts and then I John 5:13-15 "these things are written that you may KNOW that you have eternal life."  I am from giving thanks and counting gifts.

I'm from this home with the Red Door!

I am from creativity and artwork, although not enjoying just plain coloring. I am from learning and writing, from embracing God's gifts to me.

I want to know, Where are YOU from?

The Red Door

I talk often about my mountain... this property we live on, this house we inhabit! I give thanks for it EVERY DAY!! I do not EVER want to take it for granted. In my mind, it was a long time coming and that is part of what makes it so sweet today. The story has been brewing in my head, and I want to get it down in writing! Thankfully, Write it, Girl, gave me the push I needed. (WARNING: There is a lot of back story and I might jump around a bit)

It really began back in the summer of 2004. I became pregnant with baby #2. I found out in the fall that it was a girl... Our first born was a boy. We lived in a 2 bedroom trailer. And like I'm so good at doing, I panicked a little bit and worried and fretted and stressed about when they could no longer be in the same room because they were opposite sex. (and then I added a larger home to my "Impossible Prayers" journal.)

She came in April of 2005 and fit just fine in the room. Toys and books were in the living room; dressers, changing table and cribs in the bedroom.  Then we had baby #3 in September of 2006 AND baby #4 in January 2008. Yes, FOUR kids in 4 1/2 years!! One boy and 3 girls... but still there was nothing on the horizon for a larger home.  We started to get just a little cramped... I started to get just a little depressed ... it was a struggle ... I was overwhelmed.  I worried and prayed and fretted and prayed and got mad at God and worried and prayed.

On the street before our trailer park, there was a gorgeous, LARGE home (not one we could ever afford, but I still dreamed of the day it would go up for sale). My son was drawn to it as well. It had a beautiful red front door and red garage door. My son wanted to live in that house, too. So I told him to start praying about it... and he did. At 4 and 5 years old he would pray for the house with the red door and the red garage and pretty soon his sisters were praying for it, too.  ... Oh me of little faith, I prayed, but I didn't pray believing.

Then in Summer 2009, I did Beth Moore's Believing God bible study and I worked on claiming God's promises... and believing them!!  Then in week 5, we studied Moses, and the people of Israel and their exodus from Egypt. I don't remember all the details (it was almost 3 years ago), but the important points had to do with the color RED, the blood on the doors, etc. And I remember thinking about the house with the red door and the reminder of walking thru the door. AND I started to BELIEVE and to pray, believing.  I told God then and there, that I knew he was capable of giving us THAT particular house with the red door and the red garage, but if not, I was also believing that when He chose to give us a house, it would have a RED DOOR.

This house on the mountain... it's not ours, we don't own it. We are caretakers. The 2 families before us were both from our church... so it's a word of mouth kind of situation. I remember when the first family was moving out and I remember thinking then that I wanted to live up here. (even though I had never been here and really didn't know all that was involved) and I was disappointed that they didn't ask us. But God knew the timing wasn't right. Our kids were babies, I was overwhelmed, to be 20 minutes from town, to have my husband have the extra responsibilities on the property, so many reasons.

Then in December 2009... just 5 months after I really started praying believing, the then-caretakers approached Wes to see if we would be interested in caretaking and living "out here on the mountain." I started praying like never before, knowing nothing about the house... just that it was bigger than my trailer!! :)  It was a waiting game as they were waiting for a pastoral position to open up for them somewhere, but it was really exciting to think it was a possibility.

Late February 2010, we finally had an opportunity to go and visit the home. I was soo excited and so nervous driving to the house. We drove up the long (half mile) driveway, pulled up to the house and I almost started crying RIGHT there...

Because there to greet me was a RED front door.

I knew then and there I was entering my future home, it was just a matter of when!!

It wasn't until July that we found out they were candidating at a church in New York.  We found out the second week of August that they were taking the ministry and moving in 2 weeks time.  I packed my trailer in record time and we moved in on August 27, 2010.

I am loving my red door. I have had so much fun actually hanging things on the red door and am thankful for the reminder of the promise from God that He will always take care of me and meet my needs... in HIS time.

All Glory to God!