To Write (and Blog) Again

Six Months! I went six months without cracking open my writing journal. Six months without picking up my pen to write. And because objects at rest tend to stay at rest, I had a difficult time getting started again.

First it was busyness, then I felt I had nothing to say, and then it became fear. Even now as my pen connects with paper I'm not sure where this is going to go.

Way back when (really just a few years ago when all the cool kids started doing it) I called myself a writer. Not because it was something I've wanted to do since I was six years old, not because I was a great story teller, not because I had stacks and stacks of junior high and high school journals (although I have discovered a few diary attempts) but because writing helps me think, writing helps me process, writing calms my anxious thoughts.

So you can imagine how the last six months have been for me...

Writing is therapeutic so it's time for me to get back into it. 

This (me writing again) was only made possible by a Writing Practicum that I took in the spring semester, which included keeping a writing ideas journal (50 entries worth) and a month of the semester slipped by before I even started.

Do I want to be a writer? Or do I want to be a blogger? You can be a writer and not be a blogger, but can you be a blogger without being a writer?

I feel like I have too many questions and not enough answers...

What do I want to write about?

What should I write about?
What does God want me to write about?
Am I writing for myself? for God? for a targeted audience?

If I'm honest with myself I quit writing because it took too much effort and I wasn't willing to do the work. The whole idea of writing every day whether you feel like it or not just didn't appeal to me. But I'm learning in other areas that some times you have to do the work--whether it's exercise, eating right, creating art, writing... You have to do the work and the more you do the work, the more the desire comes.

So I'm giving it another try, this whole writing thing. Accountability is one of the only ways I get anything done, if any of my fine readers want to email me and nag me when the blog goes quiet again! 

I have to write... my sanity depends on it.

Dreams --Are they mine or God's?

People talk a lot about dreams these days ... dreams for the future, dreams for great success, dreams for their kids, dreams for themselves ... God-sized dreams, small dreams, impossible dreams, selfish dreams, others focused dreams, ministry dreams, financial dreams. the list goes on and on.

Dreams are also desires and I think of Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

I always thought I had a God-sized Dream. This is a phrase I picked up from  Holley Gerth, Squee Inc. and Write it, Girl link up back in March. (ps. doesn't this make you wanna sing with Tangled... I've Got a Dream)




I have this hobby of making handmade, hand-stamped notecards. It ebbs and flows. Back when I lived in a two-bedroom trailer with four young children, there wasn't much space (or time) for crafting. I made cards here and there, enough to give them as gifts for my family, for baby showers, for teacher gifts.

Then we moved into this home on the mountain, with my red door, and I got my own little space with a large desk, some shelves, and an opportunity to work whenever I could find the time.  And for the last two years my dream has been a little stagnant. I've had no direction, no accountability, no self-discipline, no start up cost, to turn this hobby into a business.

Recently, I started wondering... Is this my dream, or God's dream for me? Has He planted this seed or is it my selfish desires? Is it about making money, or could I use this for ministry, for God's glory, to bless others?

I don't know where it's going, what I want the end result to be, but I want to find out. I want to hold my dream with an open hand.

Maybe it will just stay a hobby, maybe I will use it to bless friends and families, or missionaries. Or maybe it will become something more. But whatever happens, I pray that it will always be about bringing glory to His Name.

I'm also super excited to be a part of Holley Gerth's God-sized Dreams Team.  You can learn all about it here and join us on Tuesdays at her blog!!

just this ... "Ignoring them means ignoring a core part of your purpose. And when we do that, we feel restless and empty."

I would love to know! What are some of your dreams? Did you know they might be "God-sized"?  Share with me in the comments!!


PS... God gave me my OneWord365... during Thanksgiving, actually. I think it ties in to my dream, quite nicely... CREATE!

What I Know Now: Confidence

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I have labeled myself an insecure person. Not that I need to live by that label, but it often affects the decisions I make, or the decisions I refuse to make. And while I know I haven't figured it all out, I did discover one thing.

I'm not insecure. I just have placed my confidence in the wrong things. My confidence has been set in the approval of people. I care very much, too much, what other people think and this causes me to be insecure. What if they don't like me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I hurt them?


What if?


What if I just stopped worrying about what people think and focused on bringing glory to God. Is what I'm saying, doing, wearing, thinking, planning...  is it bringing glory to God?

The choices I make, is it because I want to make man (or woman) like me or is it because I'm following God's direction?

My plate has been full, even overflowing this week. (which is why this post, which was supposed to be up on Thursday, is being posted late Saturday night) I had a million (okay, maybe ten) things all hit the fan at once. When that happens, I kinda panic and get nothing accomplished, which causes more stress as deadlines loom closer.

Then I read these verses in Colossians 3. The whole chapter is good, but I zoomed in on verse 17, And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. and verses 23-24 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

I'm reminded that it's not about pleasing man, it's about bringing glory to God's name.

Not that I always choose right, but it helped me a few times this week. I put off my Project 52 post from last week... I hate unfinished items, so I'm doing that one next, with this week's Project 52 post. In fact I hardly blogged at all this week.  

I did, however, still lose my patience and yell at my kids sometimes, and I did get frustrated with my husband for still being sick. He's been fighting a cough/cold for too long. I've gotten a little too dependent on having his help with the kids and this week he just needed to rest on the couch a little more.

The difference is I'm not going to let it drag me down. I'm going to ask forgiveness from God and my kids. I will not live held captive by my anger. I will soak in God's Word for the truth of who I am.

I will remember that I am God's creation and "He saw everything that He had made and it was very good." (tweet that) I will remind myself that increasing in the knowledge of God will help me to walk worthy of the Lord. (Colossians 1:9-11)


And I'm sure God is going to keep teaching me about confidence, but I know more than I used to... this is what I know now...