|photo credit: Kim Hall on flckr|
Truth is, I have so much noise in my head that I can't get it out. I can't sort through what needs to be written, what needs to be filed, what needs to be tossed and forgotten! I lay down in bed (an hour later than I want to) and I finally feel quiet and my brain starts writing 10 blog posts at once, and frets about my online class (more on that later); it worries about kids starting public school, and chastens me for not making it through my mental to-do list that I forgot half of because it wasn't written down.
I want to tell you all about the reasons why I haven't written lately and all the reasons why the blog will probably still be quiet for a few weeks, but the truth is... it's all excuses. I waste so much time in my day and I have no schedule and no routine and no goals.
I have dreams... lots of them, but I have no accountability, no self-discipline, no short term and long term goals for accomplishing those dreams. I recently bought The How They Blog planner, and printed out a bunch of pages and started my notebook... but that's as far as I got... no writing, no dreaming, no planning, no implementation.
I HAVE been working on my card-selling God-sized Dream. I designed a website even. Then I asked some close friends and family for feedback and let it sit on the shelf unedited for 2+ weeks. I've also been planning and setting up shop on Etsy and hope to open my shop next week... but if I actually make sales?!??! Then I need a plan for better shipping and materials and making time to create more cards! I'm excited about that and hope you will support me when I get it up and going!
And then there is this class I'm taking... Contemporary Christian Writing, which is kinda awesome, but kinda scary because I haven't done much writing lately and I kinda feel like I forgot how to write and these are some HUGE assignments, like a Devotional, and a Theological Essay, and an Essay of Apologetics, and Current Issues in Christian Living Essay... all to be completed in less than 8 weeks time and I'm kinda freaking out a bit (apparently I like the word "kinda").
Plus I'm a mom and a wife and the laundry still needs to be done and people still need to eat. And I have my friends here in my town that I'm trying to spend some time with to work on relationships here in real life!
And I don't know where the road is taking me... or even if I'm on the right path. But I'm trying to keep moving forward by faith and figuring out what works and what doesn't and to trust and to rest and to remember that LIFE IS A GIFT, not an emergency!!
And in two weeks when my kids head back to school, I will write and dream and hope and plan and create and blog... (after I serve jury duty, that is...)