God-sized Dreams continued

In 2013, I was blessed to be a part of Holley Gerth's God-sized Dreams Team. What was intended to be a 6-month encouragement, accountability, and resources has turned in to so much more... Lifelong friends, an amazing prayer team, and continued encouragement. While I'm still floundering in my dreams and whether now is the right time or not, I have a few friends that are reaching for the stars and following God's leading and launching some awesome dreams come true.



One dream I'm excited to see launching is a way for all of you to get a glimpse of the community that began just a year ago... and to join this community and dream with us! Today, we are linking up a blog post about our dreams, so be sure to check it out and subscribe to this fantastic resource for dreaming God-sized Dreams!!!


When I look back at my dreams a year ago, I sometimes get a little discouraged. I wonder why I'm still floundering and I often fail to see the little successes and the baby steps that have happened in the last year. But I know that there have been successes and there have been steps in the right direction and for that I am thankful.

I think about how I always have good ideas and I'm great at starting stuff... but the executing and the finishing just doesn't happen. But then I remember that God is still working on me and as long as I am still on this earth-- I am NOT finished. So me and God and my Dream-Team Sisters are just gonna keep working on this together.

Here's what I started with last year.

I believe God has created and called me to serve and support my family through encouraging, serving, cooking, and listening. (Not that these are my strongest skills, but the ones I need to grow for the sake of my family)

I also believe God has created and called me to encourage and support other women through writing my stories, creating handmade cards, and connecting through both cards and stories.


And here is where I feel I am right now...

Being a good wife and mom seems so relative. This is one area where I really struggle to see the little successes. Instead I see every little failure and blow it up into something way bigger than it is--- which in reality shows a little bit of pride. Truth is, overall I am making good meals for my family (and lots of good Christmas cookies, too). I've been improving on my listening and encouraging and celebrating the little successes with them. I'm making an effort to "catch my kids doing good" and praising them. ... and I am listening... maybe still not as well as I could, but improving over the past. And when I have a bad day and I don't do these things well, I focus on truth, these moments do not define me!

In the area of writing, I just wore myself out. Taking some college courses where I had to write challenged me something awful... and awesome. I loved some of the writings I worked on during my classes, but I was too chicken to share them here... or submit them somewhere else.  FEAR keeps creeping in.

And in the area of cardmaking, I launched an etsy shop!! And even had some sales!!! Christmas was a discouraging time for me, so the fear is creeping in again and I wonder if I have what it takes to be successful in the handmade world. But when I focus on truth, I see that I did step out in faith and in all things there is an ebb and flow...

I am so excited to keep dreaming with the friends that God has given me... they rock and are such an encouragement!

What my Allume Roomies should know...

The first thing you need to know is that I feel like a fake right now. Keeping up with my blog is pretty low on my priority list this week, this month, this summer... and though I really, really, really want to write I just have no discipline, no motivation. I even just want to send you to last year's "10 things my roomies should know" post--most of it still applies.

For your sake (and for mine) I'm not going to lock myself into finding 10 things this year.

So why, you ask, if blogging is not a top priority right now, are you going to a blogging conference?

ONE WORD:

COMMUNITY!!

The time I spent at last year's Allume conference still fills me with happy memories! It's a lot of fun, y'all!! I have to say y'all, because it's in the south this year. Which brings me to change number one from last year. I'm flying this year, not driving, which means I won't have room for my own pillows this year... maybe one of you more local people could bring me an extra or two... (j/k, I'll be fine)!

Now I really have no concern sharing a room with someone I don't know that well (although last year, I joked about ax murderers and all) Truth is, I really didn't spend much time in my room at all last year. I do however, anticipate that I might toss and turn a bit trying to get comfortable, but more likely I will wake up with a stiff neck from not moving all night for fear I would disturb you...

I'm a people pleaser... I like people to like me. I don't want to offend you. I hate confrontation. So if anything is bothering me, I will just try to find a way around it, or ignore it, or ignore you... okay, not quite that far!

I am NOT getting new business cards this year... just coming with the plain old ones I had last year with the horribly dark picture of me... If you want to see what I really look like, you can find me on twitter, on instagram, on facebook, on pinterest, and on google+

I am still highly addicted to Dark Chocolate and will love you forever if you show up with Dove Dark Chocolate... (by the way... come back tomorrow for 31 days of Dove Promises) ... you know you want to...

I still make handmade notecards and am working on moving beyond hobby and I opened an etsy shop last month!! I've made a few sales and also have a few more orders in the works! Check it out, here! See something you like? Message me about a free shipping code and I'll deliver your order in person at Allume!

I went to Allume last year because I wanted to grow in my blogging. My blog is still pretty much the same as it was a year ago. However, I made many new friends, learned soo much that's still brewing in my head, and had a great time of rest and refreshment! I am also looking forward to more music/singing/worship this year.

I can't believe it is less than 4 weeks away and I'm soo looking forward to seeing old friends, meeting new friends and making even more new friends!!

Will I see you there??!?

Writing and Fears and Grieving

I wrote briefly (for 5 minutes) last week and now the words won't come. I don't know what to say. I don't know what not to say. I don't want to write about Julia, I don't want to NOT write about Julia.

I was so excited at  the beginning of the month when I started the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I was ready to write regularly again--I even had a mental plan and a handful of ideas--if only I had written them down.

And then my niece died unexpectedly ... and suddenly I didn't feel like writing. time was better spent with my family--my parents, my sisters, our families... remembering, crying, laughing, hugging, eating, remembering some more, crying some more, hugging some more.

But we couldn't stay there forever and so we--my husband, my kids and I, had to return home and pick up where we left off a week ago... but today I'm feeling a little numb--okay, a lot numb. I'm afraid to return to normal life. I'm afraid of my regular routine.

I'm afraid that one day I'm going to forget to think about her. And that a day will go by and I won't remember to pray for my sister and brother-in-law and nephew, to continually place them in God's protective care.

I'm afraid that I will forget to live each moment in full gratitude to God; that I will take my own kids for granted --or even worse, that I will get frustrated with them and irritated or begging for a break from them (which may or may not have already happened and brings a whole new layer of guilt and grief).

I'm numb and my head hurts and my heart aches and I don't want to feel anything and I want to feel everything and in my 36 years I've never had to really grieve before and so I don't even think I know how to grieve.

So today, I read my Bible, wasted time on facebook and twitter, watered my garden, managed to feed my kids twice (breakfast at 10:30, lunch at 2). I have washed two loads of laundry but folded nothing and I talked to my dad and a friend.  ... and I guess my day wasn't a total washout and I just have to do the next thing.

I am going to try to jump back into the UBC, but I'm giving myself grace if it doesn't happen. And I will write and I might mention Julia and I might not and I will take one day at a time.

Community Conversation: ... I just don't have any questions today, I just want to say thank you to you, my readers, for letting me share my life with you.

Dear Chihuahua of Fear

This week in our God-Sized Dreaming with Holley Gerth, we were encouraged to write a letter to the Chihuahua of Fear... Here's mine.

I was going to add a picture of a chihuahua in my post to go along with it, but while searching for an image, I just got the heebie jeebies and had to stop... I hate dogs that much...
(so instead, my brave girl climbing the huge pine tree in our front yard...)





Dear Chihuahua of Fear,
I have some things I'd like to say to you ...

First of all, I've never been a fan of dogs, especially little nippy ones that make a whole lot of noise and cause a pretty big mess, and really are not good for much. Because really, that is all you are--just a tiny little thing in the corner of my brain that yaps louder than the music on the radio, barks more often than my confidence, and howls to drown out the fire whistles of truth.

The problem is, O Chihuahua of Fear, as much as I don't like you... I know you--I'm used to you and that makes it a little too comfortable to live with you, to listen to you, to let you stick around. I have this fear of the unknown, this fear of change--and that is all your fault, too!

Well no longer, Chihuahua of Fear, the time has come for you to go. I'm kicking you out of this little brain of mine. And when you go, could you take your puppy friends with you--distraction, procrastination, and perfectionism...




Sincerely,
God-Sized Dreaming Julie





PS... Chihuahua of Fear, you have me so flustered, I forgot to share with you some TRUTH that speaks louder than you bark!!

2 Kings 6:16 And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. 
(I know this is Spiritual in nature, but I also see this as like my God-sized Dream Team--they encourage and lend a helping hand to each other as we pursue our dreams together!!)

Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
(God is with me... The LORD MY GOD is with me... wherever I go)

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
(this is a big one for me... so often I feel no power, no love and definitely not a sound mind, but I know this is NOT how God wants me to live so I'm focusing on TRUTH)

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
(The Right Hand of HIS Righteousness... is there anything stronger?!?!?)

It is no coincidence that we are on the chapter on FEAR in the Hello Mornings Bible Study this week. Check out Abounding Hope.


If you are looking for a good read, look no further than You're Made for a God-sized Dream!!

Where does fear fit in dreaming?

What’s one fear you’ve faced when it comes to your God-sized dream?  And what’s the truth that’s bigger than that fear? 

Fear! I've been thinking a lot about fear lately... Holley Gerth asked us to answer the previous questions this week as part of pursuing our God-Sized Dreams. It's been stewing in my head, and in my heart, but I have been unable to get it down on paper (or on screen).

Then Lisa-Jo gave us the prompt for Five Minute Friday and it was ... AFRAID! and I thought about it all weekend. To be honest, I'm afraid that I will never blog again and that I won't be able to get the words out right.

At the beginning of the year, I shared my dreams with you... dreams to be a better wife and mom. dreams to connect with others through writing and card making. Dreams to CREATE... Part of fulfilling those dreams (the writing ones, anyway) involve going back to school.
And I was SOOO AFRAID of that.
So afraid of being out of place with a bunch of 18-22 year olds.
So afraid of forgetting how to do homework and write academic papers and take tests and participate in class interactions and group projects and having to read and read and write and write.

But I did it anyway! Through the strong encouragement of my awesome husband (he rocks, by the way) and my dad, and some friends, and my high school English teacher who is now my college advisor (Go, God!), I went back to college. Just a class or two, but I'm doing it... and right now I'm still afraid, because I can't keep up... or at least I feel like I can't keep up.

And in pursuing this dream, my dreams of being a better wife and mom and being a crafter are dying by strangulation... I haven't made cards in almost a month... and my laundry sits unfolded for five+ days and my bathroom tub needs an intervention... and the bed sheets (well, let's not go there).

So fear creeps in and I begin to doubt and I wonder... am I doing the right thing here??!?! I fear failure, and I fear the unknown... What is my God-sized Dream, really?

My God-sized Dream is... a desire in my heart for more of what God has for me.

Do you know what God has for me? Do you know what God has for you? Thankfully, one thing I have been getting right is more time in God's Word and the Scripture He has given me this week speaks right to this matter...

TRUTH

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love, and of a sound mind. (v. 12) or I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. (v. 13) Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? (v. 4)  One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. (v. 11) Teach me thy way, O Lord and lead me in the plain path... (v. 14) Wait on the Lord be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.

I write these verses for me as much as for you... I need to remind myself of them every single day. The truth that combats the fear!  What truth can you share with me, that's bigger than fear?


And I know this post is already too long and I'm hoping you've stuck with me, because I have one more thing I want to share regarding dreaming. This part of the post has been in my drafts for weeks. And it has to do with dreaming, so I'm giving it to you today!!


I went to see Les Miserables a few weeks ago, an afternoon out with some girl friends. I saw it on Broadway back in '96, I think. While I sat in the theater and the movie started playing, I was amazed at how the music just came back to me. I was totally singing along in my head. I don't know how I remembered it from so long ago.  Maybe I have heard it in other places and just didn't realize it.

Then a friend of mine started posting You Tube videos on "how the songs were supposed to be song" and I love her for it, because for the rest of the evening (far too late into the evening)I spent listening to every Les Miserables song I could find...

and in the midst of it all, I found this one...



Seriously, is there any other dream so amazing?  I don't know much of Susan Boyle, and while I remember the whole leap to fame and all, I'm not sure I listened to it then.  and I know nothing of her spiritual, religous background, but I feel this could have been described as a "God-sized Dream."


Now go out there and dream... dream big! Dream God-sized Dreams! You know He wants great things for you!

Facing Fears

Fears, they are all around us, they control us, they can grip us, they can send us in a downward spiral. but it's not supposed to be that way. God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind. I have a few fears... I'm working on them, but for a little bit of fun (and some seriousness) here's some fears I'm facing next month.


Exactly 4 weeks from today, I will be doing something TOTALLY new to me. And that means it is totally unknown. And I'm not a fan of the unknown... but I am super excited about this opportunity! I am attending Allume, going to a conference on blogging and writing. Going to a place I have never been before. Being surrounded by hundreds of women (and a few men) I have never met. Spending 3 days with them, attending sessions, workshops, meetups... and I am scared to death...


Afraid that no one will talk to me

Afraid that I won't have anyone to sit with (I know, totally Jr. High fears, but I still have them)

That I won't recognize people from their blog/twitter avatar ... or WORSE, that they won't recognize me.

That I won't be able to remember any body's real name.

I won't know what to say.

I'll pack too many clothes... or not enough

I'll spend too much money

I'll gain 10 lbs from Nutella, S'mores, Chocolate and a host of other great snack foods.

I'll covet someone else's clothes, shoes, jewelry, business cards, bags... etc.

I won't be able to process, or remember any thing I hear throughout the weekend (too much goodness in one place)

What if I don't get to meet everyone I want to... so many awesome twitter friends are gonna be there!

That I won't be able to actually do Five Minute Friday in 5 minutes... I like to think over the prompt for a while before I start typing! :)

That God will tell me to stop blogging, that there is more important stuff to be done.

That I'll miss my family too much ... or NOT AT ALL.

I won't be able to choose which workshops to attend.

And what about the WiFi at the hotel?!?! Is it any good? Is it reliable?  because I do not have a smartphone and my iPad will be my only means of connecting with all my twitter friends that I really want to meet!!

That I'll get sick and miss it all!

I'll get cranky from lack of sleep

That I will cry when it is all over...

Allume attendees, (newbie or veterans) What are YOUR fears?

and Do you have any advice for any of my fears?

Come back next Thursday to find out what my roommates should know about me...
and the next week for what I'm looking forward to most...